


When You Say Nothing At All

by Fogfire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 12:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16388024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fogfire/pseuds/Fogfire





	When You Say Nothing At All

“It’s amazing how you

Can speak right to my heart.

Without saying a word

You can light up the dark.”

The familiar sound of your favourite song coming through the headphones calms you immediately as you step out of your cousin’s apartment into the busy and foreign streets of London. You’ve got a whole day of sightseeing planned out for you today and although you would have loved the company of your cousin you didn’t mind enjoying some alone time.

“You might even meet this boy band that you like so much and I would just be in the way.” Your cousins comment before she left for work had made you laugh. You had met them already, had been to two concerts and when they visited your country you were able to see them twice but that were planned fan encounters and planned concerts and you had been lucky enough to be able to go.

Meeting them in London when there was no tour, no meet & greets or anything like that, was like expecting to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

You reach the entrance of the subway station and pause your music. You want at least to be able to hear it if there’s some short notice over the speakers.

You get your card and follow the stream of people when you hear the song again, the low sound of a guitar being played from your right.

You freeze and turn towards the sound, there’s an elder man sitting on a bench, playing the guitar and singing.

“Try as I may, I could never explain

What I hear when you don’t say a thing.”

You’re probably missing your subway, but there’s no way you can go away now. You listen to the man sing and even though there’s the constant chit chat of people around you, it’s still beautiful. Or maybe it is because of that, because of the hectic movement and the stress and the noise and the music as a wonderful, calm break in between.

A guy halts next to you. You can see his head with the red snapback bobbing up and down as he listens contently to the music. When the song ends, you both move in sync, throwing some change into the cup in front of the man. He nods at the two of you, smiling and you turn your head to smile at the other guy. He smiles back, not seeing you, just a reflex; he’s already moving away while you stand there, frozen in surprise. The guy with the red snapback was Liam. Liam Payne.

You need the whole subway drive to your next destination to calm yourself. Of all the people you can meet in London, you meet him. You smile to yourself. And of all the possible ways to meet Liam Payne, or any member of One Direction, this is your favourite. Listening to your favourite song, being nice to a talent street artist, exchanging a calm smile. It’s like a little, but precious secret and Liam will never know how much that moment meant to you.

\- - -

For a city that’s supposed to be cold and rainy, London is quite sunny and hot today. You’re dying for a drink, cold and refreshing and in favour of seeing one crowded starbucks after the other you pull open the door of a small coffee shop at the corner, a sign at the door telling you that they have the best Frappuccino in town. Well, you might give it a try.

The line is short, there’s a guy in front of you, the white shirt sticking to his back from the heat, his black snapback turned backwards, the red and white “obey” facing you.

Over the chatter of the few people you hear music being playing and instantly recognize the familiar tune.

“All day long I can hear

People talking out loud.

But when you hold me near

You drown out the crowd.”

You can’t help but laugh at your own luck, hearing your favourite song the third time today already, remembering you of what happened this morning. You move from one feet to the other, humming along. The guy in front of you chuckles loudly. “Favourite song?” He doesn’t turn around, but you blush nonetheless, knowing he means you. “Actually yeah, do you like it?” You explain your sudden burst of confidence with the fact that you can’t see his face. “A lot. Classic.” The woman in front of him pays and he moves forward, letting his arms fall to his side before pointing at the sweets to your right. You stare at this out stretched arm, jaw slack, speechless and out of breath. Four black arrows cover his forearm and your eyes flick back to his other arm, you see a feather and words you can’t read but know by heart. “Everything I wanted but nothing I’ll ever need.” You only notice that you said that out loud when he flinches, his shoulders tensing. He doesn’t turn around and a small voice in your head wonders if he’s afraid you might have a mobile phone directed at him.

The burst of confidence from moments before is still buzzing through your veins and you lean forward, whispering. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to scream. I’m the girl from the subway station this morning, by the way.” His shoulders relax, he pays and walks over to pick up his beverage.

You order a flavoured Frappuccino, two bottles of water, too afraid to look towards Liam while you can feel his eyes on you. Or are you imagining it?

When you reach for your money the elderly barista smiles bright. “It’s already covered. Your boyfriend payed for you.” You stare at her, speechless once again and turn your head, but Liam is nowhere to be seen. “He’s probably waiting outside. You’re a cute couple.” You leave her be, blushing at the absurd thought of the two of you being a couple. Not only is he one fifth of an extremely busy boy band, but he’s strongly tied to Sophia and happy, as it seems.

As you step out into the sun, there’s no Liam.

A part of you, a big part, is sad, because you can’t thank him for the beverage and everything else you always wanted to thank him and the rest of the boys as it is.

But with a big sip of your ice cold Frappuccino you tell yourself that your favourite song brought you another favourite moment. Two in one day and that with one favourite people.

\- - -

It the same day, late afternoon now, still sunny but not as hot as it was during the day.

Your cousin is going to be home in an hour and you’re allowed to take her bicycle to buy some groceries for dinner. You pop in your headphones and pedal along to the music, enjoying the sun.

On your way back your player is turned on shuffle and you laugh loudly when a certain song starts playing.

“Try as they may, they can never define  
What’s been said between your heart and mine.”

A sudden wind gust blows your hair in your face, covering your eyes for a split second. You push it back immediately, only now seeing the guy jogging up the sidewalk, eyes on the ground, completely in your way. You stop immediately, already knowing it’s too late. There’s the sound of a bottle breaking on the pavement just as your head hits the ground hard, your right feet is caught between the bike and the ground, your knees hurt like hell and your right elbow presses into something warm and soft that you can’t really identify.

There’s a lot of groaning, something wet dribbling down your legs and the disgustingly sweet smell of smashed tomatoes.

Ronan Keating still sings loudly into your ears, his voice multifying the pain in your head. You keep your eyes closed for good measure and wish you could pull out the earbuds.

“Are you okay?” You blink, open your eyes. You’re lying on the jogger, and the first thing you see is a very familiar birth mark next to his Adam’s apple. “Are you going to be sick? You’re really pale.” And as if him mentioning it triggers it, you start to gag. It’s just too much, your head throbbing, the blood running down your legs, the aching pull in your knee, the smell of tomatoes and lemonade. That you totally crashed into Liam Payne is just the cherry on top and as he hoists you up, your head spins like the merry-go-round in the night changes video – thank you, brain, for making that connection.

The one time you meet Liam Payne on a nearly deserted street while the sun sets beneath you, you violently puke right onto his shiny, brand new sneakers.

Right now, you’d really much wish for the ground to swallow you, once and for all.

\- - -

One day, when you’re old and grey and brave enough to tell this story to your grandchildren, you will probably marvel about how precious Liam Payne really is. Because he doesn’t run away as fast as he can, or empties his stomach right next to you or even gets angry, considering that you just ruined his shoes. No, the famous, wonderful, admirable Liam Payne holds back your hair while you wonder why a Frappuccino tastes plain disgusting when vomited.

“I… I… am… so… so… sorry…” If your head wouldn’t spin like that, you could admire his eyes better, you think. They are even sweeter in real life, but thinking about chocolate makes you want to hurl again. “You’re bleeding.” Is his answer and you follow his gaze to the wetness on your shins. Good thing you’re studying medicine and you’re able to stomach seeing blood. You look at his knees, scratched and bloody as well. “You too.” He doesn’t listen, picking up your bike, wincing when he puts too much pressure on his bruised ankles. “Where do you live? I’m bringing you home.” You stare at him, dumbfoundedly. “You’re hurt too.” “Yeah, but you’re more. Come on.”

It’s a good thing, there’s no Paparazzi around, or fans, or anyone else with a mobile phone. This is certainly nothing you want to see a picture of. You’re both bruised, and bloody and dirty, there’s puke on his former white shoes and stains from the squished tomatoes and the bottle of lemonade colour your clothes in interesting shades of red and yellow.

In the end, he helps you carry the groceries up into the tiny apartment and even though you are the one with the half-finished degree in medicine, he insists on putting antiseptic on your bloody knees, wrapping a bandage around it like he’s doing it every day. “Niall tends to hurt himself a lot. Harry too.” He explains and only when you there’s no wound or scratch left to bandage, he lets you examine his knees, the big bruise on his stomach where your elbow hit him hard and the bump on the back of his head where he hit the pavement as well.

“That’s a big bump.” “Well, at least I didn’t throw up, that’s good, isn’t it?” You blush profusely, but nod. “Sorry again.” “Don’t worry.” You give him some ice to press onto his head and sit down, the room spinning again. He laughs and you look up, feeling queasy again. “What?” “I just… it’s funny, but we meet five times again and I don’t even know your name.” “Three times.”, you correct him, but tell him your name nonetheless. “No, five. You sat across to me on the tube in the morning and when I went out to grab lunch for me and the boys you were seated in the corner of that Italian restaurant. I saw you. You were reading.” “Oh…” “Yeah.” He chuckles again, looking around awkwardly. “You know. I’m actually a fan of you.” “Really?” “Yeah. If you would have waited at the coffee shop or at the subway, I would have told you. Maybe. That I’m really thankful for you guys. You’re actually quite a big part of my life with your music and all. And thanks for the coffee by the way. You didn’t have to do that.” “I wanted to. It wasn’t polite of me to react like that when I noticed that you recognized me.” “Maybe not, but it was human. I would react like that too if people would start screaming every time they recognize me.” “It’s not that bad, really.” You smile, he smiles. “It’s easy to talk to you.” “Thanks Liam. It’s easy to talk to you too.” He sighs, looks at his watch and sighs again. “I have to go. And considering how many times I met you today, is it okay if I ask for your number? I want to be able to make sure you’re okay. Not puking on random stranger’s shoes.” “You will never let me forget that, am I right?” “No, never.”

\- - -

The three days after the accident are filled with short text messages. A lot “How are you’s?” “Puking again?” “Bump is getting smaller.” You don’t meet him again, while in London and the messages simmer down to one a day, one every two days, one a week.

When you fly back home there’s another peak in messaging as he’s amazed by the pictures of your home country. You receive messages from the other boys two, mostly from Niall who likes to be able to talk Spanish to someone. Harry sends weird jokes to the strangest times and once a month you receive a picture of the latest prank Louis pulled on Liam.

You’re a friend to them, nothing more, nothing less and that’s more you’ve ever dreamed of.

Liam and Sophia are going strong and sometimes that’s all you talk about. He likes to be reassured when buying presents. Not that there’s something he needs reassurance, he buys the best presents.

The next tour starts and you’re excited as always. Maybe even a bit more, because now you’re sharing it with them. More than once you’re mobile wakes you in the middle in the night because Niall sends you a “I’m so excited, I can’t sleep!” message and Liam reminds you of the dates of the Spanish concerts and that he’s expecting to see you in the crowd.

\- - -

„The smile on your face  
Lets me know that you need me.  
There’s a truth in your eyes  
Saying you’ll never leave me.“

You know something is up when this is the message you get from Liam, just moments before you get back on tumblr, get back into everything and realize that Zayn went home for a break.

He’s never referred to your song before and you scared of what it means.

“Want to talk?” You text back and minutes later you’re on the phone with him. He doesn’t cry or rant or scream. He’s empty. He’s tired. He doesn’t know what to do.

The following days you speak to him as often as possible, he says your voice calms him down. Being a fan for a long time gives you a different point of view and the other boys speak to you as well.

Louis is angry, he rants and screams and curses, everything and everyone, just to calm down from one second to the other and asking you with a trembling, fearful voice “What do the fans think?”.

Harry is calm, understands Zayn, understands the fans, understands everyone, but there’s pain in his voice and you can hear that he’s trying to hold back the tears. “I don’t want us to end.”, he admits in the middle of the night after a particularly long conversation, “I need us to be together.”

Niall jokes. Laughs. And cries for an hour straight, into the phone, into your ear, into your heart. “This sucks.” He concludes when he’s able to catch his breath again, “But you’re cool. Liam’s right. You’re easy to talk to. Thank you.”

You even talk a bit to Zayn and even though you’re breaking inside, you’re the one reassuring everyone. “You’re like a second Liam.” Zayn mutters after talking his plans through to you like you’re his manager or boss or whatever. “Liam’s our One Direction Daddy and I’m a bit afraid that he’s breaking under this because he can’t let it out. The Dad never lets it out. Dads are supposed to be strong. Can you talk to him?”

And like a perfect circle you end with Liam again, the night after Zayn announces to the world that he’s left One Direction, the band, but not his friends. “I’m not sad, I’m okay, I don’t want to cry.” Liam repeats it like a mantra, an hour straight at least, before he crumbles and sobs into the phone like a little kid. And yeah, you’re sobbing as well, but you’re not that broken that you can’t hum under your breath.

„The smile on your face

Lets me know that you need me.

There’s a truth in your eyes

Saying you’ll never leave me.“

Your tumblr account becomes a place of hope and happiness to 1d fans, because even though you never tell the background you have by this time, you spread the hope you have in these boys.

“Sucks, huh, that we are your best friends now and you can’t do anything about it.” That’s Louis for you.

By the time they arrive in Europe, only weeks away from their shows in Spain, you text daily, with all of them. You know when they have good days, when they are stressed, you know when they put on a smile for a picture and all the tiny little details you formerly just imagined.

“Two weeks until we see you, happy, happy, happy.” You can’t help but flinch when you see Liams message. You haven’t had the chance to tell him that you can’t attend his concerts this time. Not only where the tickets sold in no time, you didn’t have the money to buy them in the first place. And now it’s getting harder and harder to tell them.

“I’m going to be at the concert in Madrid.” The next message is from Zayn and you gasp, fingers shaking as you type an answer but he’s faster, your mobile chiming again. “I’m not going to be part of the band, I’m in the audience, do you want to join me? I would like to meet you in real life.” Oh. Right. After all the talking and messaging you nearly forgot that Liam’s the only one that has met you so far. “I don’t have a ticket.” Zayn sends a confused emoji, followed by “Liam’s talking nonstop about how you’re going to be at the Spanish concerts since forever.” “He doesn’t know.” He takes some time to answer, time you use wisely to make yourself anxious as hell. “Everything settled, you’re okay with VIP-seats for three days in a row?” “Are you kidding?” “Is that a yes?” “YES!”

\- - -

The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me wherever I fall.

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

Meeting Liam again is like a sweet dream and a nightmare at the same time. You’re nervous and anxious and everything and nothing at the same time.

You’ve met Liam three times so far, five, if you count the two times you didn’t see him and yes, you talked to him for hours, comforted him when he cried and laughed at his stupid jokes over the phone but is that enough to know and like someone?

You don’t know what you’ve expected, but reality doesn’t let you down.

Niall is as touchy-feely as you thought he would be and Harry’s jokes are even better in real life.

It only gets weird when you get to your seats, you’re seated between Zayn and Sophia, Eleanor on the far right. All the time you’ve known Liam now you never forgot that he’s in relationship, but meeting her makes it even more real. She’s gorgeous, beautiful and nice and sweet and so friendly. She thanks you for your support, for being there for everyone, asks you about your fan experience.

It’s only when she jokes about you puking over Liams shoes, that you get a sour taste in your mouth. Until now it has been your secret, at least to you, how you met him in all its detailed dread. Liam sometimes called you pukey in messages or on the phone, but never ever had anyone else mentioned it and hearing it from Sophia feels like a slap to the face, kind of. But she’s his girlfriend, isn’t it natural that he tells her about it?

Three concerts in a row of One Direction, three amazing evenings and crazy breaks spent in between. Somehow, funnily enough, you’re suddenly closer to Zayn and Niall and Harry, than to Liam. Even Louis is by your side more often than not.

When you go back home, it’s different than before. You’ve seen their life from close up, the stress and how they cope with it. You’re not a fan anymore, you’re a friend. You’re in it with them, deeper than before and you thought that wasn’t possible.

\- - -

“The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me wherever I fall.

You say it best when you say nothing at all.”

After weeks and months of barely communicating at all, you get a message from Liam and immediately log into Tumblr. Quoting “When you say nothing at all” all of a sudden can only mean that there’s disaster happening and it can’t be about the band. Since the concerts in Spain you’ve stayed in touch with the rest of the boys, manly Zayn and Niall. You know what’s going on, promised that you will tell no one “Cross your heart and hope to die” and can’t wait to see the five boys reunited, to see them take a break, to relax, to find back together even more.

The first post you see on Tumblr is a one about Zayn still missing on tour and you break your gaze from the screen to type in a quick response, reloading Tumblr and looking up again. There. Your mobile chimes as you look at a picture of Liam and Sophia, out, shopping somewhere at the other end of the world. You check the date, you don’t remember the picture but the day. It’s from a month ago and Niall wouldn’t stop sending you notes about the football match he was watching on the telly while you were trying to study. You refresh again and open the new message.

“Sophia and I broke up.”

You breath in, breath out, pinch yourself, start to type an answer, delete it and start again.

“Why?”

You close Tumblr, you don’t want to see any posts from there, you want to hear it from Liam.

“You.”

“And a million other things. But mainly you.”

“I’m sorry.”

You stare at your mobile screen, at the three little speech bubbles, trying to process Liams words.

“What are you sorry for?”

“Making such a mess? Not talking to you? Drawing you into this… mess?”

 

“I’m okay.”

His face pops up on the screen and you accept the call without thinking, pressing the phone against your ear.

“Really?” He says, no greetings, nothing, just a lot of hope and desperation in his voice.

“Really.” He stays quiet for a moment, clearing his throat awkwardly. “You know, there are only two months left from tour.” “Yeah.” “And afterwards… I don’t know if you know already, but we’re taking a bit of a break. Zayn’s coming back.” “Yeah.” “We haven’t decided yet, where we’re going for the first part of the break, Niall wants to go somewhere sunny.” “Hmm…” “He says he’s trying to get a tan.” It’s quite adorable, how he’s stumbling, fighting to get the words out. “Would you mind if we go to Spain? Like… if we came and visit you?” “No, I’m fine with that.”

For a moment there’s silence, the sound of breathing on both sides. “If I… would come a bit earlier… and spend some time with you… alone…” “I would like that.” “Really?” “Really.”

\- - -

You’re standing at the airport, wearing a bright red sweater and a red snapback instead of carrying a sign. Your eyes are closed, you’re listening to your favourite song, your song, until you feel someone staring at you. You open one eye, than the other and look right into Liams eyes. He’s smiling, reaching forward to pull one earbud out, putting it into his own ear. His smile gets so big, you can’t see his eyes anymore as he recognizes the familiar song. Without a word he opens his arms and there’s no need for words, you just step forward and fall into his embrace.

“The smile on your face,

The look in your eyes,  
The touch of your hand  
Lets me know that you need me.

You say it best when you say nothing at all “


End file.
